tsavet tanem (let me take your pain away)

in armenian, the saying above can be used in many different situations, anything from the most heartfelt, to sarcasm. for me, i wish i could take the pain of my entire family- or at least be there with them as monday my grandfather passed away. as many of you know, he wasn't in the best health for quite some time, but it was still quite the shock. he went into the hospital last week with a minor stroke, but came back home and was back to his usual self. so it was quite the surprise. the hardest thing is being here. the funeral is set for thursday, and even if i had left on a plane this morning, it wouldnt have been 100% that i would have been there on time. so ill be staying another week and a half or so, and then cutting my trip about 10 days short so that i can be with my family. the hardest thing in the world is not being close enough to just hop in a car or a train and be home. the 15 seconds i spoke with my grandmother last night were enough to break my heart in pieces.

besides the most blatant thing of not being there, the hardest part for me is remembering the best things. the last ten years or so, grandpa wasn't exactly in perfect health. so the best memories are ones from when i was significantly younger. some of my favorites will be the hours i spent sprawled out in the linoleum floor sorting through pennies, nickels, and dimes for my coin collection. grandpa was an *avid* coin and stamp collector, with one of the most impressive stamp collections ive ever heard of- it was something i always enjoyed learning from him and sharing with him. i dont think this is the place to list all the best things, but obviously this is what has been on my mind. its painful to me that i have to spend time thinking of logistics, like moving plane tickets around, when i should simply be with my family.

so to go back to sunday, vartavar is the feast of the tranfiguration of Christ (this is where moses and elijah show up when Jesus is praying)- in the church the ceremony includes a small sprinkling of water. somewhere along the lines, the folks here decided to take that concept, move it to the streets, and make it a huuuge water fight. well, i loved it- as a kid in visalia, we used to organize huge water fights. but there's just nothing like the whole city participating (and dumping water out of 8th story windows). the day started by going to church in nork-marash, S. Asdvadzadzin (Mother of God), with my host sister and tamara. somehow or another, i managed to be the deacon of the day. not only did i bring the chalice around, but i did the reading also. let me tell you, reading the gospel in front of armenian-americans where about half the crowd is fluent is one thing, but to read the gospel in armenia... well it was an experience. the folks there were really nice, and there was actually a special service on monday, so i went back with kristina.

on to the water- so i was going to go to the open-air market to finish gift shopping. decided to go by the fountain. well, by the time i got to the fountain (about a 7 minute walk), i was about 50% soaked. when i reached the fountain, i saw my friend arpi, drenched, in a bathing suit, being chased around by about 25 little boys. badly outnumbered (see, the boys find it quite entertaining to soak the girls, and im sure a 21 year old, american girl was probably the best target they'd found all day). so i played around at the fountain, and was completely soaked. arpi headed out, and i continued on my way. i ran into ani and anoush (my language teachers), they were thoroughly soaked themselves, then make it to vernisagge. finished the shopping, went out to eat, and called it a night.

monday, like i mentioned, i went back to the church in nork-marash, then had language classes... relatively inconsequential day.

ah! i forgot to finish saturday. after going to vernisagge on saturday, i went to yerablur, the national cemetery (mostly for karabagh soldiers, but plenty of other national heros/etc. there). the main reason was to see monte's grave. most of you know who monte melkonian is, either because ive talked your ear off about him, or you already knew. but a quick re-cap. from visalia, went to mt. whitney, went to berkeley, left to chase revolutions- iran, lebanon, etc.(freedom fighter/terrorist, depending on how you'd like to look at it), and finally became very very instrumental in the war for karabagh. for various reasons, he's been fascinating for me for quite some time, so i was glad to get the opportunity to visit.

okay, thats all. please, keep my family in your thoughts and prayers. to everyone at home, ill be there soon, i love you all very much.

lost in translation

no, im not really feeling like bill murray's character from the *excellent* film "lost in translation" (well, maybe sometimes)- but last night i went to a karoke bar. i sang a heart-wrenching rendition of "let it be" along with my tour guide from our karabagh trip, arsen. i was with arsen, my host sister, arsen's younger sister, and two of arsen's friends, making last night my first night here that i was out with exclusively locals. not to pat myself on the back, but i was quite happy about that. basically, the point is that the home-stay has been a great change, and i really appreciate delving more and more into armenian life with armenians instead of running around expensive restaurants with american (and a few canadian, eh?) armenians.

this week was relatively uneventful, although tomomorrow, the celebration of vartavar, which is essentially a huge water fight for locals, should be quite fun. during the week, i went to work like a good boy, and as of today have been to almost every church in the center of yerevan. i think i already mentioned katolige and krikor loosavorich (the smallest/oldest and largest/newest), but this week i went to zoravor, another old church nestled behind some apartment buildings. (ive mastered the phrase, "excuse me, where is ____"). the next day, kristine, most host-sis, went with me to s. hovannes (where she was baptized 5 years ago, actually). we met the priest there, and talked for awhile, which was a nice change from my usual, go in, look around, light a candle, watch people ("ethnography"), and leave. today, i went to st. sarkis, where there was a wedding going on, on my way back from the parajanov museum (more on that in a sec), it was a zoo, i swear there were at least 4 brides coming, going, and milling about in front of the church.

so, the parajanov museuem. for those of you that dont know, his most famous work is called "sayat nova, or the color of pommegranate". imagine a series of dali paintings with very little movement turned into a film about one of the most famous armenian troubadours. (for those of you with excellent memories that are learning armenian history from my posts, you will recall that sayat-nova spent the last years of his life at haghbad, the monastery where i will be hopefully staying in a week or so). i've seen the film twice now, and am now the proud owner of this film, as well as another one recommended to me called "a requiem". now, seriously, this guy was nuts. he was imprisoned during the soviet era for nationalistic tendancies (a big no-no), and one of the rooms has his works from this period. so, in addition to the crazy films, this man did hundreds of crazy collages. all kinds of materials for the various collages. everything from glass to a self-portrait by john updike given to parajanov that he turned into a collage. nuts. really fun. the museum was meant for him to live him and is a duplicate of his house in tbilisi, georgia, but he died before it was all ready for him (i believe). i made some conversation with the guy who was semi guiding me around (turning lights on and off and making sure i didn't take off with anything). basically, ive gotten to the point where i can generally convey what im trying to say, although im sure i sound like a 4 year old most of the time. no problem, im happy to be improving, and happy to be speaking.

as a final note, this morning (or early afternoon as the case may be), before i went out, i sat around with my host mother talking (which is always fun to talk with my host family, thats why my armenian has been able to improve). her mother came over, and so i had another round of coffee with the grandma, and then we played tavloo (backgammon). she beat me twice (once, i was way ahead but she rolled 3 doubles in the last 7 rolls), and i beat her once. not the most relevant thing, but a fun detail.

okay, basically, im freaking about because i only have three weeks left. i know that its almost half of my total time, but it seems like there's so much more to do still, so much more to see. im making plans to have some kind of adventure next weekend to both get out of yerevan and to see something ive never seen before.

as a final note, grandma, don't worry about lusine's crazy grandmother. if i see her again, ill make sure to tell her my grandma wasn't too happy!

going to the chapel

no, im not really getting married, but i did get my first marriage proposal ("take her to the states, please take her to the states"). i was beginning to feel left out, the girls get proposals all the time (everyone has a nice son or nephew). so the story goes like this:
this weekend, we went to a children's church camp in vanadzor, the third largest city in armenia. one of the girls that worked there was quite cute. i eyed her, she eyed me, you could say we were eyeing each other. well, after our last meal, grandma comes out screaming for someone to take her to the states. of course lusine (the girls name was also lusine, actually) has to say, "oh chris was making eyes at her!" so grandma comes running. lusine explains mom and dad wouldn't be too happy, since i have to finish university. grandma quickly replies that she could come to the states and go to university too, and then we could get married. whadya say to that? good times.

so the children's camp was really fun. some of the kids were amazingly cute, and kids are just so genuine. a couple of the boys wanted areen and i to stay with them in their room and hang out with them. quite cute. on sunday we walked ("marched") with them down to the dioscese headquarters and lit candles with them. but im a little ahead of myself.

saturday, we went to haghbad. i had been there before, but forgotten the name. its a monastic complex with about 7 separate altars, and one particularly powerful church with a great fresco. (i really do need to figure out how to post pictures). we met with the priest there, and instead of etchmiadzin, i may stay there for the last two weeks of my trip. which would be awesome, because id be the only deacon there, plus id help out with a camp they are going to do. pluuus, i could go visit lusine at the other camp everytime i went into vanadzor (just kidding, parents and family!). well, i mean, i may visit. we also went to sanahin, another very impressive monastic complex, but it was late, and closed, so we made our way into the courtyard areas. it was raining, and one of the little churches was open, so i sang in this little church with good acoustics in the rain. pretty cool.

sunday, after getting a marriage proposal and walking the kids to the dioscese, we went to badarak at a different church in vanadzor, fairly new. then we drove to gyumri, the second largest city in the country. there, we saw their largest church, which is still being rebuild. gyumri was the largest city that was close to the 1988 earthquake, and was pretty devastated. after going to the church (there was a wedding going on)- we ate khorovadz, and then got on the road.

our last stop was at talin, a site with two very old churches. one is in relative dissary, although still quite impressive. the coloration of the churches was great. very pretty.

basically, another successful weekend, now im going to take five minutes to try to figure out the picture thing.

homestay and movies

so, as some of you may know, i did in fact move into a homestay. this means im staying with a lovely armenian family, that naturally feeds me too much, so ive stopped eating lunch- its just better that way. the family consists of mom and dad (dad speaks no english at all, mom can express herself), sister kristina (the girl who sang in datev monastery), and karin, who is a lawyer. kristina is on a trip, and gets back today. the family is quite nice- karin is great, and every evening when i get back between 11-12, i get a late-night dinner, and karin, his mom, and i sit around and talk for at least an hour. my armenian has probably improved more in the last week than it did in the previous three weeks combined. so homecooked meals and armenian language learning is great. i think it was a very good decision, and im definitely comfortable, even if i cant lounge around as freely as in an apartment.
next, this week has been the 3rd annual golden apricot int'l film festival. for various reasons (a british film being dubbed over in russian, being late since i stink at taking the buses, and a showing today being sold out), ive only seen two films, both iranian. i really liked them both. the first was called "the cyclist" and was about this afgani man whose wife was dying in a hospital, and instead of resorting to crime (he happened to be a champion cyclist), this con-artist of a fellow arranges a exhibition for him to ride his bike in circles for a week continuously. the film follows all the intrigue that comes with the betting process, etc. fairly enjoyable. the second film i saw was called "gilaneh" and i became very invested in it. gilaneh was a very compelling character. basically, it takes place first in iran during the iraq/iran war when gilaneh's daughter insists on going to see her husband who remained in a tehran that is constantly under fire. her pride and joy during this time while she takes care of her daughter maygol is her son ismael, who went to fight in the war. the second half fast-forwards 15 years, ismael is basically crippled from the war, and gilaneh spends all her time taking care of him. depressing, yes. terribly compelling, even more so.
so in addition to the films, ive been to a couple cafes this week with different folks from birthright/etc. its pretty cool because i feel like im extending my circle both of diasporan armenians, but more importantly locals. for instance at the opening ceremony for the festival i ran into ani and anoush, two language helpers from birthright (very smart/cute young ladies), and they introduced me to their friend rita. since then, ive run into rita two times. today sitting at a cafe, i saw arthur, a guy from nli. it feels good to see people you know, especially the locals.
in regards to work, ive got a survey in full swing, with a few surveys filled out and translated (thanks to armine and kristine). i also spent some time yesterday at a couple of the local churches in yerevan. i was in the smallest, and oldest, s. katolige, in the morning. then, in the afternoon, i went to the largest and newest, s. krikor loosavorich cathedral in the afternoon. i had an idea for a short film that centers around the tradition of lighting candles in the church. many folks involved in the church today feel that many people don't know what to do in church, and thus come in, light a candle, and leave. i think it would make a cool 5 minute piece to have several long takes (30 s. -1 min.) of people coming in, lighting a candle, then leaving interspersed with titles that described the tradition and possibly included the above criticism expressed through the words of a local priest...
well, really, life has been good, but routine. this weekend, were going to sanahin and haghbad, a couple monasteries, as well as the city of gyumri, the second city of armenia.
hajo...

karabagh (x2)

so this weekend was by far the best weekend yet- second time in karabagh in the last month- what a treat. this time i went with birthright, 20 bucks for a nice full weekend, what a deal!
so, we rode on a very large bus, and was thus much more comfortable this ride than the last one. the bus was populated by birthright folks, armenians connected to birthright (homestay brothers and sisters/language buddies), and land and culture folk. i spent most of the trip there and back sitting with stella (i hope that's her name...), a girl from armenia.

our first main stop, as with most trips to karabagh, was datev monastery. as mentioned previously, this monastery seriously questions rule #2: no becoming a monk. this time was absoultely incredible as per my soon to be homestay sister (yes, ive decided to do a homestay for awhile, basically i feel its something i have to do given what i hope to accomplish while here and what im currently accomplishing), who went to the conservatory for opera, sang in the church for almost a half hour after most everyone else had filed out to eat. i have a mediocre poem about it (frankly, its one of those things i was debating even talking about since theres nothing that could possibly do it justice). poem to be put at end of post.

we arrived in shushi after a stop in goris and at a church in the lachin corridor connecting armenia to karabagh. we played futbol with some of the local kids right in the shadow of the main church in shushi. ive been wanting to play futbol there since three years ago when we saw some kids playing. after futbol, we had a dinner at the shushi hotel. after this, we met our homestay families. somehow, three boys ended up being hosted by a grandmother, mother, and three daughters. the middle one they told us was 10, but if she was 10, there's something in the water. general consensus was they wanted to make sure we stayed upstairs all night long :) the homestay was an old house, quite large, in mediocre shape now. included was dirt courtyard, 6 rabbits, a cat, and a few chicken/roosters. after tea and a footwash, we went to bed.

in the morning, we gathered at one of the mosques in shushi (probably mentioned in last post about karabagh?). well, andre, one of the fellows i was homestaying with, was going to be doing some business instead of heading to gandzazar monastery. well, i love gandzazar, one of my favorite churches, but it would have been my third time there. so instead, i went to stepanagerd with andre. we made it from shushi to stepanagerd by way of ambulence. first, we got a tour of the stepanagerd hospital, since andre is coordinating a couple doctors from the us coming to work there in a couple months. it was an interesting treat. after this was one of the most unusual events of my life, and something im still trying to come to terms with.

we took a taxi to aghdam, a city of about 100,000 people before the war. all azeri. there is now not a single roof left on a building in the city. although, to some kind of twisted "credit" the mosque is in perfect shape. better shape than the two in shushi. im still not sure how to feel. other places it was easy: sitting in datev monastery, or even in shushi. but aghdam was something else. sitting at the top of the minaret of the mosque looking over a city that was thoroughly decimated. wandering through rubble, finding bits of obviously expensive tile still on walls- something completely different. there was no waving of red, blue, and orange pom-poms. sure, karabagh was 85% armenian before the war, but aghdam is stark reminder that there was a 15%. really something else to be turned over in my mind for a long, long time.



upon our return to shushi, the bus wasn't back yet. so we went to where our dinner was to be held that evening to "help". i.e. sit around and pull the meat off the skewer when the men were done khorovadzing (bbqing... arm-english... awesome). the house was the house of a man named saro, a general during the war, and someone who i really came to appreciate by the end of the night. with andre and i was hratch, from birthright, and hovig, and artist who has a haunting resemblance to arshille gorky. when the bus arrived, we played some more futbol, then came back to saro's for an awesome evening. to be honest, i dont think i ate very much. i was way too busy dancing. i wish i could capture (well, i think there's some birthright video...) some of that night. really danced the night away, and it was at least 2 am before we all finally called it quits. there is no way i can capture what a great evening it was, and how i felt in saro's backyard, dancing and drinking, so suffice it to say it will be one of the most memorable evenings of my life.

sunday morning before church, we went to hovig's studio to see his work. amazing! im hoping if i get the chance to go back, that i may (well, ill be broke, who am i kidding)- there's this great painting this mixes traditional armenian church style with his modern figures, it just caught my eye. on our way to church, barkev surpazan walked out of his place, and recognized me- it was a cool feeling since im a very big fan of barkev surpazan. church was held at the main white church in shushi, and was very enjoyable. after church, we ate lunch at the shushi hotel and were on our way.

basically, an incredibly memorable weekend that spanned the range of possible emotions. i also made/solidified a lot of great friendships. as always, leaving karabagh is terribly difficult.

here is the datev poem:

-abris dghas-
and i cried in a lonely corner of datev vank
how easy it was to be a -good boy-
hugging the stone of a thousand year old church
listening to hymn after hymn
echoing off ancient walls
sung by a young woman
- a trained opera singer
what did i do that warranted
-abris dghas-
from those two old women?
i mouthed a hayr mer
any two year old could do that
did they see something in my posture
prostrated in prayer?
how could you not fall on your knees
under that magestic dome?
faith poured in through the windows
i simply caught a ray
-abris dghas-
and i cried in a lonely corner of datev vank

quickie

so last weekend we went to lake sevan. the place we stayed was ridiculously nice. two stories, 4 bedrooms, a piano. the works. we all drank way too much vodka, and since this is a pg rated blog, ill leave it at that. suffice it to say it was a fun night. the next day, we went swimming in sevan. of course it was raining, but that didn't stop us. in fact, it was quite fun.
sunday was one of the highlights of the trip. went to mrshakad (sp? as always) village in the armarvir region with der sarkis from san francisco. one, the hospitality was awseome and its great to see people that are excited to go to church because they never get the chance (as opposed to usual sunday routine). secondly, i brought the chalice around, which is the one thing during the liturgy that a deacon can do that a sub-deacon can't. its cool to think that my first time doing this was in armenia at a village. i was a little freaked out, but it went fine- and i was purty excited about it.
this week, ive just been working (although im going in super late today, and tomorrow is a national holiday- we'll see about going in). update on my mood, after all the repat stuff, i feel quite hypocritical. im tired of western-priced restaurants and my super nice apartment. basically, im toying with doing a home-stay for at least a couple weeks. we'll see what happens. its possible that lusine and i are going back to karabagh this weekend with birthright where we will stay with some families, so maybe that will make me feel a little better.
overall, things are super-fab-fine, although its been raining for two days now, and i actually don't know how im going to leave this internet place to go to work without being drenched... well... hopefully i dont melt.